I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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