the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
