Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
