I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize