Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
