I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She's the barista slut.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
