My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
