We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize