If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
