So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
