its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize