Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
