Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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