Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
