I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
