is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Your cock deserves a montage
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
