Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she smelled like a LAN party
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Randomize
