Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
