Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
