i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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