Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My cat gives me a boner
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
