weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize