This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
