Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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