Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
