we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
