hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I puked a lego.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize