So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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