Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize