She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
