More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
