we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize