I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
