so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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