Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
