don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I party with great urgency now.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
