you told grandpa to call you daddy
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Couch. On fire.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize