We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
