I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
