why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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