I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
