If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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