I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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