I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
