I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
