I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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