The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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