we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize