You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
