Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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