Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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