accomplished twins. life is a go
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I take back everything I said about communal showers
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
