Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
