my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
