can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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