My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
All the doctor said was why
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
