My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
