Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sorry about my life...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
