U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
