I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize