Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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