the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
