I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
