There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
