Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize