she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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