when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
