is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
