We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
When did angry sex become our thing?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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