I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
