I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
