I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
