i jhust puked up my retainher.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
