My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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