So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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