After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
