Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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