u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
