I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
