I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
