i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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