I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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