I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
