Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
