Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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