so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
