there's paper in my vomit.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm passing your future prison.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
