I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
