...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
