this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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