i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
