looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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