P.S. I can't hear my feet
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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