Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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