So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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