Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
