Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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