I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
