The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
