sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
