dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize