Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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